The (Gradual) Journey Back to Self
Hello November!
It has been so weird for me to get back to writing after stopping for so long that I find myself giving up every time I attempt to write something. I talked myself out of writing this blog post several times because I knew it would be far from perfect, but I decided to ‘Just Do It’ because I knew I needed it. I needed to remember what it felt like to escape into a world of my thoughts and look for the right words to express them. Even though I share some of my write-ups, writing has always primarily been for me. I describe it as one of my happy places, as it helps me quiet my mind, process my thoughts, find clarity, and in some weird way brings me joy.
For what I would have said were valid reasons, I stopped writing.
When I was pregnant, I told myself I wasn’t writing because I was holding my breath for the arrival of our daughter and couldn’t bring myself to write until she arrived. As someone who had an extremely difficult pregnancy coupled with past traumatic experiences, that was valid! I actually couldn’t bring myself to write at the time.
Well, now she is here and I still am not writing. This time my ‘reason’ is that being a Mom is a new world, one that I couldn't have adequately prepared for, and that I am trying my darndest to navigate the craziness that comes with it.
But then it wasn’t just writing, it was reading, listening to podcasts and so many other little things that I enjoyed. I realized that slowly I had stopped all the little things that I loved to do, and I could easily make very good excuses for why that was the case - chief of that being the task of keeping another human being alive.
A few days ago, I was watching another new-mum friend on IG (shout out Nimmie!) as she documented her journey to becoming physically fit and it sparked something in me. Just watching her take slow steps to get back to her healthy self sparked an internal conversation within me and I thought to myself - “for whatever reason, she is doing this one thing that keeps her sane, I could do the same”. While for me, that is not necessarily exercising, it made me realize I need to gradually get back to the little things that keep me sane.
Side note: The fact that just watching someone like me on Instagram inspired me to take action illustrates one of the many reasons why I still love social media amidst all the craziness it brings.
So, yes I am taking little steps - starting with this blog post. My writing may not be as perfect as it used to be, it may take me forever to finish reading a book because I need to read with one hand while I breastfeed my baby, but I am committed to taking my baby steps.
Here’s hoping this motivates someone else to take the first step towards whatever fills you up.
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What I am currently reading: I will be starting the book Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier by Oprah Winfrey and Arthur Brooks and hope to be able to share the nuggets I pick from the book here.
What I am listening to: I listen to the song Spirit Call (Prayer Charge) by Praise Singz every morning these days. It has a way of stirring me up to pray.
What I am watching: I am a huge reality TV fan and I just finished a Netflix show - Surviving Paradise which I thoroughly enjoyed. You should check it out. I am still salty about how it ended!
Wishing you an incredible November!
Love,
Nifemi