Hello Thirty-Five

I have always believed that life is constantly teaching us something, and that each phase presents us with what we most need to learn.

I started writing this exactly 4 hours to my 35th birthday in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea where Hubby and I have been on a cruise that has taken us from Athens to Santorini, to Bodrum, and the final stop was supposed to be Mykonos tomorrow (now today as you read this) which also happened to be my birthday.

I had the ‘perfect’ birthday planned. A solo tour of the city, time on the beach afterwards, and a lovely spot for a romantic dinner with the boo. It was supposed to be the perfect day. As a planner that I am, I had a clear itinerary for the day, reservations had been made, everything neatly arranged. And then, a few hours ago, the captain announced that we could no longer go to Mykonos due to weather conditions. Instead, we would be spending the day in Chania, Crete. Crete? I knew nothing about it, Mykonos was the plan.

As much as I tried to ‘big girl’ the news, it felt like a gut punch. All my plans for the day gone just like that. My perfect 35th birthday was now unclear; and for a few hours, I was in a funk. To be honest, I still am.

I am a planner by nature (they say it’s a Virgo thing). I need things properly organized and I struggle with the idea of ‘going with the flow’, even though I am interestingly married to someone who is the exact opposite. This trait serves me for the most part, but it is also such a disservice when things don’t go accordingly to plan because I struggle to find my way back. But really, how much of life is within our control?

The event of the last few hours has been yet another reminder that life won’t always go as planned, and that sometimes, the only thing left to do is surrender.

Well, hello thirty-five!

Turning 35 feels incredible! It feels like a serious age (lol) and I am excited about all of the many great things that await me in this coming year. I don’t have “35 things I have learned at 35” to share, but I thought to write down some of the lessons I’ve learned over the years that I always go back to. Some of them took me 35 years to get, but now I do. Some not fully, because life is a continuous journey, but enough to give me confidence to navigate the world on my own terms, without feeling untethered.

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Some of the lessons I now get / trying to get:

• That there is only so much in life we can control. Eckhart Tolle said in The Power of Now “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it”. Iyanla Vanzant says the same thing differently - “ if you argue against reality, you will suffer”. My desire is to protect the things I can, and let go of the rest. Being alive to even experience uncertainty is a miracle.

• I get what was meant by the Invictus quote “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”. It is a constant reminder that my life is mine, and I need to earnestly fight for the future I want.

• I get it that faith carries you. Because what do we have if not something that holds us through each day? “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Faith has carried me - through the storms, through the unknown, through the moments when nothing else seems certain.

• I get what Maya Angelou meant when she said courage is the most important virtue, because without it we cannot consistently live any of the other virtues.

• I get it now that nothing is permanent - good or bad. The bad news is nothing lasts forever, the good news is nothing lasts forever"

• I get it that gratitude is the greatest gift you can embrace. It’s the most powerful way to move through life. No matter how hard things are, there’s always something to be grateful for. Happiness begins with gratitude.

• I get that pausing is okay. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop. Pausing has been one of the greatest gifts I gave myself this year.

• I get it now that guilt and regret are unnecessary burdens. No one is infallible, but we must strive to do the right thing always. In the words of Maya Angelou, “when you know better, do better”.

• I now understand what they mean by “there is a thin line between life and death". Being in the hospital room and watching a loved one stop breathing and be revived back to life was one of the scariest and eye-opening experiences of my life in the last few weeks.

• I get what my husband has always tried to tell me - that money is a tool & that I must ruthlessly prioritize my own joy in the midst of life’s hurdles and conflicting priorities. In the recent words of Femi Otedola: “Money you don’t spend is not yours.”

• I get what they mean when they say motherhood changes you. It changed me, and I’m still discovering all of the ways in which becoming a mother has changed me.

• I get what they mean when they say you haven’t seen how much you love your husband until he becomes a father. I didn’t think it was possible to love Kay more than I already did. I am fiercely devoted to him, our two little humans, and to protecting our family’s joy. After God, they will always come first.

  One of my favourite things about adulthood is free will - the chance to choose, every single day, who and how you want to be.

The journey is still evolving and there is so much left to learn. I’m going into 35 hoping to find a balance between my need to hold on to a plan and the ability to let go, and I guess the starting point is surrendering to whatever Crete has for me today.

In the midst of all life’s uncertainties, one thing I know for sure is this: I want to be a good person in the world, and that’s what I hope to be remembered for.

Leaning into this season of surrendering, and stepping into this new age with deep gratitude for all the blessings in my life, especially the people that God has blessed me with.

Happy Birthday to Me!